2021
Story One: “99% of my “friends” in that church were fake and have continued spreading rumors that I was kicked out, when the truth is I left on my OWN terms. I hope anyone who is reading this and deciding if they should leave the church or not knows that it is NOT NORMAL to need to tell EVERYONE, even those you aren’t close with, about your personal life if you aren’t comfortable with it. “
I had been going out to a Xenos home church for a little over 2 years and it wasn’t until the 2 year mark I started to question things. I started going out to a college group with my friend I had reconnected with from high school, let’s call her L for the sake of keeping this anonymous. Immediately I loved the group and I got along with everyone, people who I normally wouldn’t be friends with. Now I realize that was the love-bombing: people who I had met maybe two or threw times asking me to hang out, everyone surrounding around me and talking to me. I mean I love attention so it really drew me in. About two months after accepting Christ, L asked me if I wanted to move into the ministry house. I was already spending 3 days a week there and spending the nights on the weekend so this made sense to me to move in. The house I moved into was pretty big, it wasn’t too crowded like a lot of other people’s experiences, but there were up to four girls in a room at one point which I thought was odd.
About a year in we moved to a new house and I started hitting it off with a guy who had just started coming out to our group, because his sister was who was good friends with L. At first I wasn’t into him mainly because I had been brainwashed into thinking I should only date people that were officially in the church, aka living in a ministry house, because there was more “accountability” and they would have the same morals as me. But we started hanging out a lot more and we both had feelings for one another. There was one week in particular we were hanging out a lot and L asked me about it. She asked me if I liked him or was just trying to be friends, and because I knew she wouldn’t like the fact that I was into him I lied and said I just saw him as a friend. Then she kept asking me, almost everyday. I was encouraged to bring someone else along when I hung out with him so I wouldn’t be “tempted”. I told her how if I liked him it wasn’t her business and she agreed. I also found out from him that he was told by L that he wasn’t allowed to “get with” any of the girls in my group and that he needed to stay away from me. I started sleeping over at his house a few nights and one time his sister found out and told L. L, and her discipler brought me up to a room to talk to me about how I potentially ruined his relationship with God as well as mine. I was told if I left the church that I would be depressed and anxious like I was before I started going out.
Later I told them I had repented and wasn’t going to see him anymore, even though I continued to see him every weekend and sometimes during the week for 5 months.
I was forced to decide whether I should fake it til I make it or take a step to move out. I decided to move out because I couldn’t take the drama and everyone being in everyone else’s business. I couldn’t take anymore conversations about how I should be hanging out more with outreach on the weekends instead of doing my own thing. I couldn’t take anymore conversations about why so-and-so shouldn’t be dating because they aren’t “ready” and how I should bring it up to them, even though I knew it was not my place to tell them who they should date. I have seen so many of my good friends in the church sob because people have forced them to break up with someone they really liked.
When I made the decision to move out I wanted people to hear it from me, one-on-one, however I stopped telling people when it was made clear they already knew because L had told them. I’m done with all the high school level drama, I am in a happy relationship now and am still confident in my relationship with God. 99% of my “friends” in that church were fake and have continued spreading rumors that I was kicked out, when the truth is I left on my OWN terms. I hope anyone who is reading this and deciding if they should leave the church or not knows that it is NOT NORMAL to need to tell EVERYONE, even those you aren’t close with, about your personal life if you aren’t comfortable with it. Part of me is thankful for the church for giving me close friends (most who have left eventually), but the other part of me wishes no one would have to experience the control Xenos has on them.
Story Two: “They put me in harm's way. Xenos leadership needs to learn to stay in their own lane.“
I was in one home church or another for roughly 10 years. While a member, I was directly confronted on issues concerning both my own and a parent's mental health.
On more than one occasion I was spoken to about taking antidepressants. I can't remember the reasoning and a whole lot of detail Major Depression tends to do that, you have permanent memory problems. I went off my antidepressants for several years, letting my depression get a nice and solid foothold. I came into Xenos with depression, I will own that. Pressuring me to stop taking my antidepressants for so long, it did me no favors. When I was placed in partial hospitalization at Harding I had "drifted" away sufficiently Harding counselors could pull me back from the edge.
I'm saving the best for last! My mother has been diagnosed, and rediagnosed with Antisocial Personality and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. I tried to explain she is dangerous; my mother's social worker said she is dangerous, cut all ties. Not good enough for my home church leaders. It was only after I invited my mother to a Sunday meeting, my mother sufficiently scared the shit out of my home church leader, THEN they backed off. Really? This was before I had my bout with suicidal ideation, I still wanted to live at that point. They put me in harm's way. Xenos leadership needs to learn to stay in their own lane.
Story Three: “Once I left, leaders harassed my parents for pulling me out of the group. They maintained contact with me, trying to convince me my parents were wrong and misguided... when they realized it wasn’t working, they ALL fell off the face of the planet.”
I attended a small branch of Xenos for a couple months, with a friend. It was called “Moxie”. My parents actually pulled me out before it got too bad for me, but I did see & experience a ton of the common themes from others’ stories reflected: love bombing, young (irresponsible) leaders in charge of middle schoolers, wedges being driven between kids & their non-Xenos parents, pressure to contribute to and attend more Xenos events, guilt and extreme shame regarding premarital sex/ sexual feelings, dating exclusively within the organization, mass isolation of anyone who didn’t conform to the group or who tried to leave, crowded college houses (“flip houses”) with weird rules, e t c.
Once I left, leaders harassed my parents for pulling me out of the group. They maintained contact with me, trying to convince me my parents were wrong and misguided... when they realized it wasn’t working, they ALL fell off the face of the planet. Never another word from any “leader”, “friend”, etc (offputting and disheartening for sure, but not so bad since I still had plenty of non-Xenos friends). Fast forward several years later. My sister found herself lured to a Xenos event disguised as a super bowl party. She attended events for a month or two before we realized it was the same group (turns out a kid in the group liked her and realized he’d never be “allowed” to date her if he didn’t get her coming to events). My parents again pulled the breaks and asked my sister to reconsider... she agreed and stopping going to their events. They also bombarded her with pleas to return to the group and anti-parent sentiment. My sister explained that she wasn’t interested in attending, but that it wasn’t personal and she still really loved everyone she met. Shortly thereafter, **children’s protective services** showed up on our doorstep... one of the members of the group claimed that my parents were physically abusive and a danger to my sister and I. My sister was mortified that her “friends” could do such a thing (she really felt the sting of the shallow, fake relationships). THIS. GROUP. IS. PSYCHO... run y’all
Story Four: “If you don't follow their rules, then they manipulate you into thinking that you're not following God and tell you that you're going to hell for it. It's toxic and it's just for them to have power over you.”
It all started in the summer of 2017. I went to college in Virginia, but I was home in Columbus for the summer. I remember posting a status on Facebook saying "I'm so bored" and literally 10 minutes later this girl who I hadn't talked to since middle school (lets call her Jane) privately messaged me and asked me if I wanted to go out and visit her church group. I saw this as a great opportunity to make new friends so I went to their home church and everyone was so welcoming and seemed passionate about God. I went out many different times after that, but was really sad when I realized I had to go back to Virginia for school. That's when Jane brought up the idea that I should move back to Columbus and live in the ministry house and that I should transfer to OSU. I really considered it and my parents even thought it was harmless. So I broke up with my boyfriend at the time, moved back to Columbus, and decided to finish my schooling online. I also moved back because of health issues, but moving into the ministry house was probably the biggest reason.
I felt so close to Jane and the rest of the girls there that I told them about my deepest secrets. During the time I came back I liked Jane's guy friend (lets call him Liam). So Liam and I were having a sexual relationship which it eventually hurt me. I decided to tell Jane about it and ask her for some advice and she basically asked me "What do you think God's view of sex outside of marriage?" And I was like "Well, I mean I know he doesn't agree with it". And then she started explaining why I should've waited until marriage, but sadly it gets much worse. A couple days later after that next home church meeting, Jane and one of the female leaders (lets call her Rachel) said they needed to talk to me privately. So we went inside this empty room in the house and Rachel basically told me that I couldn't move into the ministry house because I wasn't following God. This angered me because I literally moved back to live in the house and follow God, but because I made that one mistake with Liam, they decided I wasn't good enough to live in the house.
They told me that if I wanted to move into the ministry house that I had to prove to them that I was following God such as reading my Bible everyday, coming out to more than home church and CT, taking their classes. I tried and Jane even discipled me, but I just got busy with school and I had to go to the hospital twice because of my health issues that it made it harder for me to follow their tactics all of the time. I kept begging to move in, but they kept saying I wasn't ready. A part of me wanted to leave, but I was too afraid of being by myself so I just dealt with it.
In May of 2018 things started to change once our group was splitting which apparently is a common thing at Xenos. We were combining a part of my previous group with this smaller group and it became its all new group. It was hard for me at first since I don't do well with change, but as time went on I started getting more used to it. It wasn't until the beach trip of 2019 where things turned more positively... or so I thought. I started talking to one of the guys in the group who lives in the ministry houses (lets call him Sam). Sam and I talked a lot and flirted at this beach trip and we even stayed outside in the hot tub till 1:00 a.m... that is until someone told us we had to go inside because it was late and we were the only ones out there. I felt so happy with Sam and I felt like I could trust him.
After the beach trip we started texting a lot and of I admitted that I really liked him and he said he really liked me too, but he said he wasn't in a place to date at the moment which I completely understood and respected his decision. I told the girls that I liked him and they said that I shouldn't put him before God which wasn't my intention at all. They kept accusing me of picking guys before God and that I didn't have a relationship with God which hurt. Throughout the month, I realized that Sam suddenly seemed nervous to get close to me. He even texted me saying that he was nervous that we had been texting a lot since we weren't dating. I thought it was kind of odd, but once again I respected his decision. Some times things got weird after that because he was really wanting me to move into the ministry house for some reason. I had given up on moving into the house and was already living in an apartment so I thought it was pointless now, but for a little bit he was trying to get me to change my mind.
Things got a bit awkward after a while where he refused hang out alone with me, he never walked me out to my car when I was leaving to go home... but he did with other girls, and he would say that he only flirted with me at the beach trip because he was drunk. It was really unsettling how he all of a sudden turned a completely different direction. I found it very suspicious and it was kind of unsettling. After a while he felt more comfortable with hanging out with me when it was just us and we did that a lot. I tried to move on from him and would tell him about dates with other guys, but he wasn't happy about hearing them. It really confused me until this nurse at my doctors appointment told me about how she used to go to Xenos and how they would make you date people that lived in the ministry houses and that it was frowned upon for someone to date another person outside of a ministry house.
Everything started making sense and it hurt so much to know that Xenos basically made me feel like I wasn't good enough again and that I needed to change myself to be close to God. I wouldn't be surprised if the people in the ministry houses told him that I wasn't following God and that he shouldn't date me. Eventually the guys tried to set him up with one of the girls in the houses which hurt a lot. And that's when I knew I had to leave for good.
I left the group and even cut off my friendship with Sam because it just got too difficult to only be friends. No one has reached out to me to see how I'm doing or if I want to hang out. I even texted Sam wishing him well, but he never responded. I feel so lonely and that I've lost everything. I also feel like I've failed God, but I know that's just the trauma the Xenos has caused me.
If you don't follow their rules, then they manipulate you into thinking that you're not following God and tell you that you're going to hell for it. It's toxic and it's just for them to have power over you.
Story Five: “Once you become a target, they will not let up. You do not have to be a member for Xenos to come after you, and apparently just because you think they're gone doesn't mean they are.“
I was never directly involved in Xenos (now Dwell, I guess) but worked with several members for several years around 2010-2011 (-ish). At the time I was openly gay and very observantly Catholic. We bonded over our mutual interest in theology despite having very different understandings of theology and exegesis. We literally had these conversations every day, five times a week, for almost the entire time we worked together.
Over time it became clear that while they had the typical Nondenominational Protestant contempt for everyone who wasn't them, they had an especially acute contempt for Catholicism. On my own initiative I pushed hard on this and interrogated what they thought Catholics believed and why they thought Catholics were in error. It turned out that almost every single thing they believed about Catholics was demonstrably untrue. Like, you could just google it and get a straight answer from the USCCB but this somehow escape Xenos entirely to fact check. Whatever. They then explained that part of their catechetical education involved going to other churches, observing, and then reporting back everything they were doing wrong.
I reacted fairly predictably--like, without having anyone there to talk about what the Catholic Mass *is* how can someone foreign to it hope to understand in any meaningful way a ritual that has developed over 2000 years? It would be like attending Synagogue if all your knowledge of Judaism came from pop culture references like Family Guy and South Park. I was more than a little offended but still willing to give the benefit of the doubt. They invited me to their home church so I could talk about Catholicism, answer questions, and have a dialogue. I spent two weeks putting together a twenty minute presentation, answers to what I thought would be the most likely questions, and then never got to give my presentation or dialogue with anyone. Why?
Because their home church had prepared in advance. Their entire sermon was about idolatry, the non-virginity of Mary, and Sola Scriptura. All the love bombing in the world could not save me that night. I was so offended by this clearly targeted sermon that I thought about cutting these coworkers out entirely. Their response to my complaint? "Trying to save you from your homosexuality is true love."
Late in 2017 I was randomly contacted on Facebook by someone claiming to be a former Xenos member marrying a Catholic and wanting information about Catholic marriage. I was upfront and told him I'm gay and no longer a part of the Church and that if he's getting married in the Church that his priest and marriage sponsors are the ones to go to. He insisted because he said one of my former co-workers was a mutual friend. Long story short, I ended up in the same theological debate from 10 years ago, was subjected to the same love bombing, and had to block this guy literally everywhere.
Once you become a target, they will not let up. You do not have to be a member for Xenos to come after you, and apparently just because you think they're gone doesn't mean they are.
Story Six: “It was known that Xenos was a cult at my school.“
My story starts in 2018. My best friend Janis and I were working on a school project together. Janis had a friend named Amy who needed help on a project. One day they brought me to my apartment and asked if I'd like to check out their church. It was on a Thursday night and I remember thinking that was odd. I have not been to church since I was a kid. I was an atheist and had never really wanted to seek religion. I was busy with school anyways. I did go on behalf of my best friend Janis. She seemed so happy when I said I'd check it out. So we go and we're in some crappy house. People are yelling profanity's at each other, smoking, and drinking. It was weird and I really felt things were off. I stopped going and Amy, Janis's friend would not stop contacting me. My other friends helped me come up with excuses. Two years later and Janis invites me over again. I was loved bombed and people would keep asking me if my feelings on god changed. I would tell them the truth. I had no interest in becoming religious. They kept trying to push it on me. I had lost my mother when I was young. And I struggled with mental illness. I feel like I was a perfect candidate for Xenos. I went on the beach trip with them. And one of the people at the home church asked If I'd take a walk with him. So Charles and I took a walk together. He told me on that walk I was going to Hell. And if I ever wanted to see my mom again I needed to ask for god's forgiveness. He also explained to me what hell was going to be like. Trying to scare me and it didn't work. I kept it to myself for a long time. It's messed with my head! I've been asked back and I stay in contact because of my best friend. I will cut ties and I'm still Atheist.
Story Seven: “Xenos, however, entraps people with the promise of friendship and fun first, because they know that’s the pull for a lot of young people.“
As I was a devout Christian and still going to my mother’s church during the time I was in Xenos (‘07-‘09), I didn’t see the aggressive recruitment tactics as “wrong” back then, because I chalked it up to just be strategic, well thought out evangelism.
Then I started becoming uncomfortable when members would question my mom’s nondenominational Christian church. Why did they feel the need to bash other Christian churches, that believe in Jesus/God just the same? They truly thought that they were better than other Christians, that they were the only ones who could claim to have a “personal relationship” with God. I guess just because it was a more relaxed environment and you could curse during prayer? Who knows. But that was the first red flag.
They also started questioning my friendships outside of Xenos, and trying to get me to bring them to group. I decided to just not mention my other friends, especially my Muslim friend and my Jewish friend, since I had no plans of trying to get them to convert.
I now see the main difference between Xenos and just any old church. My mom’s church, for example, was very explicit about its goals and what it was for - worshipping God. You went to study the Bible, pray, sing, and yes, build community, but it was ultimately all about God. And they didn’t make you feel bad or weird for having other friends or dating outside of the Church. You come as you are and immerse yourself on your own terms.
Xenos, however, entraps people with the promise of friendship and fun first, because they know that’s the pull for a lot of young people. Then you get roped into the Bible study and God discussions, and you feel like you’ve made “friends” who were so “nice” to you (with an agenda, of course), so you owe them your time now. (There was literally a phrase used within the organization called “flirt to convert”). And eventually you feel like you owe them your doubts, worries, and secrets too, that they then make you feel guilty about and use against you. Finally, you are pressured to feel like you owe them exclusivity.
Its manipulative, hypocritical, and emotionally abusive, especially when you’re thinking about leaving or actually do leave. (Kind of easy to see how it gets that way when many people who are “leaders” and claim to be able to communicate what “God” wants are years younger than I am right now...)
I, like many others, lost “friends” after leaving, but I have no regrets whatsoever about my decision to leave and become an independent, critical thinker instead of trapped in a high-pressure, group-minded, extremely pretentious environment.
Story Eight: “He was dealing with the death of his mother and they kicked him out because they think he wasn’t committed enough. How could they abandoned him in a time of need?“
I would like to share my story about the NeoXenos church that is located in Kent, which is associated with the Xenos Church. There’s a organization at Kent State’s campus called Identity Project. I started to check it out in 2017. I checked it out cause I was unsure of my beliefs at the time and was open to becoming a born-again Christian since I previously was a Christian but abandoned the faith my senior year of high school. I also joined because a girl I had a crush on invited me out. When I first joined, it was cool. I noticed a former classmate was a part of the Bible study and also got to meet new people there. I didn’t really make friends my freshman year at Kent and this was around the beginning of my sophomore year at the time. So I was excited I was making new friends. I soon started to hangout with them. But the girl I had the crush on started having problems with me. We eventually stopped even being friends. It was fine since I had an established friend group. However, after going to the teachings, I remembered why I left the faith to begin with and really only stuck around since most of my friend group was there. One person was very, VERY committed to having me accept Christ. He would use any manipulative tactics he could to convince me I needed Christ and to be saved. He would say “I just wanted to make sure I see my friend in Heaven after we die”. He also used personal information as a coercive tactic. “I think you’re angry with God that he took your dad away so soon”. I was very upset and uncomfortable that he would use that information against me to make me think I needed Christ. I even thought at one point I maybe did and thought about praying. However, I reminded myself that I don’t really believe in the Christian doctrine. Jumping ahead to recently, I would often get into arguments and unnecessary discussions about religion with people in Identity Project. I rather we just hangout and genuinely enjoyed one another’s company. I’ve also noticed that they lived in off-campus townhouses and be crammed in a space meant for only 3 people. They would have as many as 5-8. I didn’t think any of it at first but then realize how bizarre it was. They also claimed the townhouses were exclusively only for people in ministry. They will make people who wouldn’t be as involved in ministry move out. While this was never really reinforced, I also noticed that members didn’t date any non-members, which I found really odd. Soon, the person who I thought was my best friend in the group started to contact me less and less. The last time I hung out with them, he was there. He pulled me aside and wanted to talk to me in private. He told me that I can only come to the hangouts if I was involved with ministry. I was taken back by it. So we could only hangout if I was in IP essentially? Why? Why would it matter if we’re good friends? I have friends that are Christian (who are not involved with IP, nor go to Kent) that wouldn’t pull something like this on me. After that, my friend group stopped talking to me. I was kicked out and blocked from the Facebook group as well. Even the social group page for IP members. The last time I heard from my “best friend” in the group was when I graduated from Kent and he mentioned about getting together to celebrate. That went nowhere and never happened. Another friend of mine got kicked out of IP and he told me that they screwed him over. He was dealing with the death of his mother and they kicked him out because they think he wasn’t committed enough. How could they abandoned him in a time of need? I soon found this page and learned more about this group. This group will only befriend you in solely to make you accept Christ and to join their ministry. I am grateful of the memories I made but it’s not worth losing my individuality over. They have also made me feel
abandoned after they got I wasn’t interested in accepting Christ and converting; cutting contact with me. I am convince it’s a cult that not only plagues Columbus, but also has reached into the northeast Ohio region. My warning to incoming students at Kent is to stay away from Identity Project if you respect your individuality.
Story Nine: “They used my past to manipulate me to stay. They will always say “You will never find friends like this in the world”“
I left Xenos after 5 years of dedication.
I was in the college group. I didn’t tell people when I left. Every time I suggested a different group or a different church. They used my past to manipulate me to stay. They will always say “You will never find friends like this in the world”
I used to struggle to make friends so I was very vulnerable in this area.
When I moved into the ministry house. It went well for a little while. Then many different factors came up that made meeting times very stressful. Sometimes it was depression, my illness or working late because I’m short staffed. I really was gonna stick around with this church forever.
I had some counseling for a little bit I made a decision to stop counseling because I didn’t have anything I needed to talk about. I received enough tools that helped me. Almost everyone I lived with told me I had to go back. I felt like I didn’t need to go anymore and that wasn’t good enough for them.
At some point I had been so very depressed. I was done with people and their gossip and the pressure of being at meetings. I was done with the fake people who never directly asked me about my life. I hated that when I told someone something it got around to everyone!
They sat me down and told me to make a decision to stay or leave the house. I decided to stay! I loved the lord and I was going to get my act together and I did! I showed up to meetings and I got involved with outreach. Through all of that I still got kicked out. Only because when they asked me if i wanna stay or leave they already had it in their minds for me to “leave”. My efforts didn’t mean anything.
Story Ten: “Whatever I said did not remain in private, people gossiped about my personal life so much behind my back and tried to find any discrepancies between me and my boyfriends stories in order to control and manipulate us.”
My boyfriend invited me to Xenos for the first time, when I was at a very vulnerable state. I made friends there quickly, and I didn't realize until too late how toxic the church was. They completely controlled and weaponized my relationship. People would ask me and my boyfriend about our relationship, and then would talk about what we said behind our backs in order to control and manipulate us. They caused me so much anxiety and many panic attacks, and put a huge strain on my relationship. I felt like I couldn't do anything right. I felt like I couldn't say anything to anyone. They would ask and ask to get you to open up, then they would pit your words against you in order to control you. Whatever I said did not remain in private, people gossiped about my personal life so much behind my back and tried to find any discrepancies between me and my boyfriends stories in order to control and manipulate us. And then they used our words to gatekeep us, to prevent us from going to retreats, to tell us what meetings we could or couldn't go to, and to shame us. If you don't do what Xenos wants you to do, then you are not a full member of the group. You have to follow every single rule to a t, or you aren't a good Christian and you don't deserve the same rights as everyone else in the church. It's crazy. They preach that it's not by works, but by faith, and that everyone is equal in God's eyes, but then are giant hypocrites and punish people for not doing the same amount of works, for not being a "good enough christian".
I eventually stopped going to the church, and since then, my anxiety has been so much better. I have less frequent panic attacks. My relationship with my boyfriend is healthier (he also left the church). I feel so much more sane and happy.
Xenos is a cult. It's goal is to control and to shame you into their idea of what a "christian" is, even at the expense of bending what the Bible says to fit their needs. They are hypocrites, and extremely abusive. They caused me so much pain. I still have a strong relationship with God, but it is an honest relationship now, and it's not based off of the gatekeeping and pressure from Xenos.
Story Eleven: “Sadly this church pushed me over the edge and I am picking up the pieces.”
I just wanted to say this to leave it here in this website and move on. Xenos or dwell or whatever. From the outside looking in. It may look appealing. But being apart of the church for 5 years, I know that there is something that needs to be addressed. For one, this website and the amount of stories on it. This can’t be an exemplary church. The focus is not love. It’s control and pleasing man. How this happens varies and it’s sad that it mostly comes down to guilt tripping and manipulation. I was excommunicated and I am closer to God than I have ever been. Love ceases when choice is controlled. Your love for God will always be strained by the ridiculous things the members and leaders do to get what they want. Sadly this church pushed me over the edge and I am picking up the pieces. I hope people would avoid this church altogether.
No this site is not satans ploy…ridiculous like these are real people with their stories. Crazy denial
Story Twelve: “Many people I encountered at Xenos were wolves in sheep’s clothing. There are some lovely people there who are just misguided, but there are many others who thrive on the authority and power they get from judging other people.”
I went to Xenos for years, beginning in middle school. At first, Xenos seems so great. I made a lot of friends who all seemed incredibly kind and welcoming. I attended so many Xenos events I’ve lost count but I could never shake a bad feeling.
I never felt I could speak openly or honestly with anyone about my struggles, because every word I said would instantly be picked apart and judged. I was also repeatedly told that any future plans I had that did not center around Xenos, were not god’s plan for my life. Additionally, the anti-LGBTQ+ and racist sentiments I encountered there were incredibly troubling.
Ironically, one of my family members is a Christian leader at another church. They constantly tried to tell me that Xenos did not have good intentions, and that I needed to run far away from this group.
Things reached a breaking point during a Xenos summer camp. Myself and another student were approached by our group, and essentially forced to have an intervention. We were told that we were the “least involved and connected” ones and too negative because we questioned everything. Both adults and other kids proceeded to tell us that we were not good enough Christians, up until the point we were both sobbing and pleading to go home. We both left Xenos after that summer.
When I left the group, I was immediately ostracized. I lost almost all of my friends and felt completely alone. They orchestrate this by forcing you to only make connections to people within Xenos, so that it becomes harder and harder to leave as time goes on.
Many people I encountered at Xenos were wolves in sheep’s clothing. There are some lovely people there who are just misguided, but there are many others who thrive on the authority and power they get from judging other people.
When I do run into people from Xenos now, it’s painfully obvious their lives have been completely consumed by the church. Almost all of them have changed career paths because Xenos told them to, married people in Xenos when it was obvious they had no romantic connection, and they all just seem so unhappy despite their upbeat facade.
Walking away from Xenos was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I hope that those reading this, whether they are still in Xenos or having trouble walking away, know that they are not alone and that better things in life await them.
Story Thirteen “Its hard to see the red flags when you’re a kid just wanting to feel loved but as an adult I realize I did the right thing leaving.“
I was in Xenos when I was a kid due to my best friend at the time/ neighbor being in it and it was great and all fun when I was kid but when I went back in highschool when my Parent’s marriage was falling apart things got pretty weird and toxic. I was very lonely and insecure and it was a good way to see some good friends I didn’t go to school with. I really forced the faith on myself because I was tired of being sad all the time and thought if I believed in God I would be happy. There are good people in the church but the culture surrounding it made me want to die and im so glad i’m not the only one. I felt tremendous guilt for leaving but I felt so relieved when I did. Im glad I left before they had me move in with them because im sure it would have gotten even worse. My sister stayed in the group but they essentially ignored and semi bullied her to the point where she no longer wanted to go either. Its hard to see the red flags when you’re a kid just wanting to feel loved but as an adult I realize I did the right thing leaving.
Story Fourteen: “Xenos is nothing but damaging if you don’t perfectly fit their mold.”
I was invited to go to xenos about 3 years ago. I was open about being trans, and leaders would constantly pull me aside to talk about how that’s not what god wants for me. They would use the wrong pronouns on purpose, and eventually gave me an ultimatum of “you have to choose if you want gods path or your own.” When I was in a relationship with a girl, they would try and gaslight me out of it and keep asking if it’s what I really wanted and if she was really good to me. They had targeted sermons towards me, about how god created us how we were meant to be and the whole “one man one woman” spiel. Nothing I shared was ever private, and I learned this the hard way. My mental health got worse than it ever while I was there, and even now coming up on 2 years out I still struggle to come back from the things they said to and about me. Recovery has not been linear, and I feel I might never be the same as I was before I got sucked in. Xenos is nothing but damaging if you don’t perfectly fit their mold.
Story Fifteen: “But she is so involved with the church it takes up her time. I worry about my friend. Her goals in life have really changed."
I recently watched the podcast on Xenos/Dwell and I’m really concerned after listening.
I’m not a religious person and nor do I care much about church. But my friend I’ve been close with fo many years is part of Xenos/ Dwell.
It all started back in 2018 and I was going through a lot and my college friend invited me out to Xenos/Dwell. I definitely was not interested and didn’t want to go. But she and another member literally just pulled up to my dorm and texted me. I thought it was strange and somehow ended up going because I was pressured into it. I wasn’t thrilled about this at all. It was in a Ministry house which was super strange. I remember looking at beer bottles while hearing about the Bible. Just a really weird experience! I told my other friends at my campus about it the next day and they brought up the cult accusations. I wasn’t really shocked after one visit I got weird vibes.
I still remained close to the person who took me. She offered many times to take me again but I wasn’t interested. But we became roommates and I ended up going with her few times again. This is when I noticed the love bombing they do. They would come up to me after the teaching and ask how I felt about it. To be honest I never listened. I was just there because my roommate/friend was part of this. They would try to get personal info about my life and would always ask about my relationship with god. One member attacked me for not agreeing with them. Another told me I was going to hell for not believing. One lady started talking to me about the end of times. This was stuff you see in horror movies. These people are brainwashed! I ended up moving out of the apartment and my friend moved into the Ministry house. We don’t talk as much as we did. She has ghosted me at times. It’s really sad because we have been through a lot together! But she is so involved with the church it takes up her time. I worry about my friend. Her goals in life have really changed. She now wants to stay in Columbus after graduating with a degree. She’s taking classes through the church. She is now looking for a relationship in the church and is looking at marriage in her early 20s. I know she struggles with mental illness and I know these people are taking advantage of her. The last time I saw her she had a friend with her and she kept poking at my personal life. At this point they are not friendly with me. I had to tell the woman it’s none of your business what I believe! These people don’t care about you! They want to use you! I’ve become increasingly paranoid to even hang out with my friend now. I hope my friend comes to realization this is not normal!
Story Sixteen: “Before I attended the church, I was warned by ex members that it was a cult but I didn’t believe them because of the love bombing taking place.”
I recently left Dwell (Xenos) after being involved for 3 years and living in the ministry house. Before I attended the church, I was warned by ex members that it was a cult but I didn’t believe them because of the love bombing taking place. I was new to the area and didn’t have many friends and was moved into the house within 3 months of me coming out to meetings. Over time things got progressively worse and I decided I didn’t want to stay anymore. I was constantly asked about my weight because this was an important area to God, which constantly made me feel like crap. I was told that I didn’t love people after I was being harassed at work for months and expressed I was upset, but because I didn’t tell my co workers about God, I was in the wrong. I was told that Jesus went through worse suffering and I needed to love them despite the harassment I was going through. This whole time I still defended the church against the accusations of it being a cult. Sure, there are no blood sacrifices or anything like that, but the emotional control is bad enough. When I expressed I wanted to move out and find another church I was repeatedly told that I was choosing to throw away all of my friendships and that I was being pounded by Satan. I finally moved out a week ago, and honestly, I don’t know how to be alone anymore. I lived alone for 5 years before this church and now I feel like I can’t be independent and I’m 25 years old, it’s a weird feeling. There’s so many more things that play into this and that have happened that I could talk about for hours. I just wanted to share a little bit of my story.