2022

Story One: “The deeper you get into it the harder it is to get out.“

I went to a high school group for Xenos. We had meetings they would call prayers meeting before every home church meeting. These meetings would have the people that were heavily invested in the group. People were pressured into inviting out their friends and shamed by the rest of the group if they didnt invite people. Also for the people who were invited we would talk about them and how to get them to be invested in the group the way that the rest of us were. Each week my leaders would pressure me into inviting friends who I knew were not even remotely interested and they would have me make lists of people who I could invite out and they would watch me over my shoulder as I texted them to ask if they were coming every Sunday. It was so hard to get out but I finally did and I regret how long it took me to leave because I wish I had done it sooner. The deeper you get into it the harder it is to get out.

Story Two: “They immediately brought an adult leader to talk to me about his personal life and expressed how I was in danger because he is Gay. I never went back after that day.“

One of my best friends and I went to a Xenos teen group in high school, they then found out that my friend is Gay and told him he is headed to hell and that he needs to stop being gay. They immediately brought an adult leader to talk to me about his personal life and expressed how I was in danger because he is Gay. I never went back after that day.

Story Three: “Also, the church recently changed their name to Dwell Community Church (likely due to the horrible reputation the church had developed). NO church should have a reputation like that where thousands of people are claiming the same kind of abuse. The members of the church were never able to explain this bad reputation either and only ever said that people were “lying”. Really, thousands of people are lying? I don’t think so.”

I was brought into the church right after I had gotten into a serious accident and was bed ridden for a few weeks while also being out of school during that time. I was pretty depressed and lonely because of this. That was when my friends (who had already all been invited to the church previously) invited me out. The first year or so it was normal and then by the second year the pressure started to set in. By the leaders and other church members. This pressure was to go to church multiple times a week which was typically a 4-5 hour event while also juggling high school classes and school workload. If you ever had to miss church because of school they would guilt trip you by saying “you can’t take your grades into heaven.” And eventually my friend group started doing this to each other as well. This caused me and many others to be afraid to miss church sometimes or feel guilty for “putting school over God.” This church isolated me to the point that I had no friends outside of the church and no time to even make new friends because of how often church events were held. Discipleship meetings were once a week (1 hour), home church on Sunday, CT on Tuesday, college home church on Thursday and college cell on Friday. This became so overwhelming to me that I would cry and have mental breakdowns multiple times a week before church. I realized my friends were all too far gone for me to explain where I was coming from so I eventually sat down with my friends to tell everyone I was leaving because I couldn’t take the stress. And I wasn’t even fully apart of the college group or living in the ministry houses. I knew if I moved in the stress/pressure would get worse and it would be MUCH harder to leave so I left during my senior year. They pretty much stopped being my friend immediately after that and only talked to me at school. But they never tried to hang out with me again in a setting that was neither school or church. I stayed in the church for about 4 years because I knew that once I left, I would lose all my friends to the church and that’s exactly what happened. So I had no friends or support system by the time I left which sent me into depression again. This is the result of being involved in Xenos. Also, the church recently changed their name to Dwell Community Church (likely due to the horrible reputation the church had developed). NO church should have a reputation like that where thousands of people are claiming the same kind of abuse. The members of the church were never able to explain this bad reputation either and only ever said that people were “lying”. Really, thousands of people are lying? I don’t think so. It is 100% real and extremely difficult to get out. They will tell you that you are being influenced by Satan and following worldly pleasures by trying to leave the church. They encourage high school students to turn down college offers that are not in Columbus because they don’t want people to leave. And I also found out from my friends that there was a man sexually abusing women in the college groups and no one ever told us who the man was or what happened about it. To me this is completely unacceptable. This information should not have been hidden and a statement should have been released about it because it was a lot of girls and it went on for a while. I’m not going to say the members are evil because most of them were kind and were brainwashed but as you get older (move into college groups and meet older leaders) you realize it’s intentional at some point. Also that extreme kindness to me seems like love bombing as well. Please just be cautious of Dwell Community Church and it’s members and avoid if possible. There are PLENTY of churches in this state that don’t have a horrible reputation, even a YouTube sermon is better than this place.

Story Four: “If I’m being honest, I didn’t want to leave xenos when my partner addressed all the red flags to me. It’s like home church has you on a leash, and they treat it like leaving xenos makes you lose all purpose in life. The stuff they teach and practice is not good for you mental and spiritual health.”

I attended home churches and the CT meetings with Xenos for about one year, and I wish I never started going. I remember I started going one night on a whim with a high school friend. When I went it felt like everyone enjoyed being around me, and at the time I had been struggling with self-confidence and feeling like everyone hated me, so I felt good and saw nothing wrong with it. I eventually started dating in a lesbian relationship, and we would go every week to both home church and CT. No one ever said anything bad about us towards us, but it was very unspoken about our relationship. If I showed affection to the person I was dating at the time it felt wrong. But, people were showing affection in heterosexual relationships fine, with no bad vibes. We even went on a retreat with our group, and we were not allowed to sleep in the same room, but all of the other heterosexual relationships were allowed to. Eventually, my partner in that relationship’s mom found xenosisacult.com, and brought it up to members of the group. Everyone denied it and claimed it was completely false and inaccurate. I didn’t think anything of the website, and continued to go because I felt like I was connecting to God and that the other members were my friends. Eventually, this relationship broke up and I took a few months off from going to home church and CT meetings, in fear of seeing my ex. However, in the summer of 2020 I began going again on a regular basis. I had just started dating my current partner, a heterosexual relationship. I felt like my partner was my only friend, and I wanted to go back to feel like I had friends again. At the time, I was also dealing with my homophobic/racist/bad person biological dad who told me I was going to hell for everything I was doing in my life. Another motive for starting to go back was to feel like I could reconnect with god and to reassure that I wasn’t going to hell. A few months pass by, and I eventually started hanging out with xenos members outside of home church and CT meetings; we would get coffee, study the Bible, and sometimes even drink (I am underage, as well). It got to the point where I wanted to address some of the things my dad would say, such as I am going to hell for liking girls and boys, having sex before marriage, having tattoos, etc. When we got to the sexuality and sex part, a member that I honestly trusted and saw as a close friend sent me an article about how it is a choice to be attracted to the same sex, and implied that having sex before marriage is gross/not getting you to heaven. It got to a point where I addressed everything going on to the friend that had first ever brought me out to a meeting in 2019, and she did not act surprised snd even agreed with some of the things the person sending me the homophobic articles was saying. Even before this, I remember taking my current partner to home church, and he immediately noticed the love bombing and all red flags at the start. He told me the next day after that I needed to get out of there immediately. I had already paid for the 2021 beach trip, and eventually decided I did not want to be apart of xenos anymore. I asked for a refund, sent a long message to the close friends I had in home church saying how disappointed I was in them, and blocked every xenos member I knew from my social media. I now advocate for xenos to be completely disbanded. They should also be prosecuted for encouraging and supplying hooka, alcohol, and vapes to minors.

If I’m being honest, I didn’t want to leave xenos when my partner addressed all the red flags to me. It’s like home church has you on a leash, and they treat it like leaving xenos makes you lose all purpose in life. The stuff they teach and practice is not good for you mental and spiritual health.

Story Five: “They were very controlling of the lives of the members and would force themselves into every aspect of our lives. There was some kind of hangout every day of the week and they expected us to go to as many of them as possible.”

I went to a high school group in xenos. At first it was fun and it was a way for me to see my friends on the weekends, but at some point they expected it to become my whole life. They tried to convince me to quit my extracurriculars because I needed to devote more time to the church. If I missed a meeting for any reason even if I told them before hand I was not going to be there they would all text me asking where I was at and if I would be coming. At some point they started inviting me to meetings before the actual teachings that they called prayer meetings. In these meetings we would talk about who all was invited and how we would get them to be invested and continue going to the church. Everyone who was not invited to the special meetings had their names on the board. They would force you to invite people and would become disappointed if you did not invite anyone out. My leader would keep a list of names of my friends in a notebook and make me text them all every week to ask if they wanted to go, even if I knew they did not want to or were busy. They were very controlling of the lives of the members and would force themselves into every aspect of our lives. There was some kind of hangout every day of the week and they expected us to go to as many of them as possible. So many nights were spent in the houses of other members where we would just sit in someones house and talk about who we could invite and giving advice on how to convince them to attend a meeting.When I did decide to leave the leaders texted my parents and would text me every week asking me to come back and how much they missed me. Once they realized I was not coming back they all stopped talking to me. All the people that I thought were my friends I had never heard from again.

Story Six: “I later learned that she was using a popular tactic to recruit young men to the church that some members jokingly call “flirt and convert”.

I was in a rough place in my life when I was contacted online by a girl I used to know from high school. I had joined the military right after high school and was not particularly close to this girl, but she was being really nice and hung out with me a couple of times after reaching out, so I figured she just liked me. I later learned that she was using a popular tactic to recruit young men to the church that some members jokingly call “flirt and convert”. Once I had gone to a few meetings she was discouraged from talking to me in favor of me talking to males in the group instead. I was already a Christian, so the leaders in the group grilled me to confirm when I accepted Christ. No big deal, because I figured they were only concerned about me. I began to notice things that made me question, and ultimately leave the church. Below is a small sample of things I experienced that made me finally leave.

-A girl I thought was super nice prayed out loud at a meeting for a guy that left the group to have a bad life so that he would be forced to return to the church. Leaders there nodded in agreement. He had left because he was transferring to another school that was in a different state.
-I was invited to a formal meeting where another member was being excommunicated for having consensual intercourse with a new member. The girl ended up staying with the church, but everyone present was forbidden to talk to the guy, and leaders there not only pointed out every bad thing he had done but one woman went as far as to call him a sexual predator. It was extremely uncomfortable to witness.
-a guy in my group made an awkward and racially insensitive comment. I pointed it out, assuming he was speaking in good faith, only to be shouted down by several white leaders who were apparently sensitive about the subject as black members had left before citing similar issues.
-I had a date with another Xenos member who was not present at the men’s cell group where the awkward comment was made but somehow found out about it. She spent half of our date trying to convince me that I was on the wrong and should apologize for making the other guy feel bad.
-I asked a girl out and she said yes. Later I found out that this was a breach in protocol. Xenos members prefer “dangouts” (date/hangout but less official) which is essentially just hanging out with the other person in a supervised setting. In lou of direct supervision there can be an immediate debrief. Leaders decided if the two of you were in a good place spiritually, which could result in pressure to not date someone they did not feel was far enough in their spiritual journey. Xenos members tend to marry young so that they can have physical contact with their significant other without judgement.
- I am cyberstalked by people I knew from Xenos that will not talk to me but lurk on my social media pages. I was not kicked out, and didn’t leave on bad terms, but I stopped going to meetings. I did not realize it but I had no friends that were not in Xenos. I still have very few friends.

Story Seven: “She said "mom you are right - it's a cult and I'm done."

Thank you for this website! This NEEDED to happen! As a parent of a former college age member it was excruciating to watch. Many of these stories are so relatable to my daughter's experience. We were so blessed that in time she started seeing through the smoke and mirrors and realize this "organization" for what it is. She said "mom you are right - it's a cult and I'm done." She moved out of the ministry house and said good bye to all her "friends", moved away and started fresh.

Story Eight: “i still haven't recovered from the bullying and really struggle to make friends now because of it. i'm glad i left, but the lasting struggles make me feel like i'm still there.“

i was in Xenos for about 4 years. there is a lot that i could talk about but i specifically want to talk about bullying. it was rampant and passed off as jokes. i often wouldn't tie my shoes because i just never wanted to. members went out of their way to make fun of me for "not knowing how to tie my shoes" and would try to step on them when i walked. oftentimes when we would go somewhere because i still lived with my parents, i would let them know. this turned into members constantly taking my phone because "it's HOME church not PHONE church". the endless teasing and having my personal items stolen has made me incredibly wary of exactly where all my things are. i still haven't recovered from the bullying and really struggle to make friends now because of it. i'm glad i left, but the lasting struggles make me feel like i'm still there.

Story Nine: “During this trip, I met another member who proceeded to groom and sexually and emotionally abuse me for the next year.“

I was a freshman at Columbus College of Art and Design when I was recruited by a fellow student. I wasn’t aware of the larger scope at the time, and back in 2013 there wasn’t as much publicity about Xenos. I went with that recruiter to a boys’ ministry house near the Short North and talked to a couple members that night before shortly after agreeing to go to West Virginia for a climbing trip. Several of my school friends told me it sounded like a cult right away, but I laughed them off, having come from a hyper-religious background myself and used to these kinds of blanket statements. During this trip, I met another member who proceeded to groom and sexually and emotionally abuse me for the next year. I don’t have all the information, but from what I’ve gleaned after the fact he was entrenched in the cult, fairly high up, and because of this, his behavior was under the radar, to an extent.

My relationship with this particular member escalated quickly. I was seventeen, and he was a little over nine years my senior. I never consented to what happened, sexually, during the time we were together. I was in fear of disclosing the details to other members because I knew I would be “disciplined” out of the group if they knew I was having sex outside of marriage. Looking back on it, I couldn’t describe it as sex as much as it was sexual assault. That went on for a while and I still hesitate to speak publicly about it.

My by-then-fiancé left the group suddenly, and I left shortly afterwards before coming back again. I attended CT and home church religiously and I eventually got assigned a discipler, a woman who I don’t believe meant me any harm as much as she decided to ignore the issues within the group. I was back and I had recommitted my life to Christ, and they were all overjoyed to see a lost sheep return to the fold. It went south when I came out as trans/queer. I should’ve seen it coming—I’d brought a lesbian friend into the group the year prior thinking she could use the community support, and they all tried to convince me to use some kind of gay conversion therapy so she wouldn’t be an affront to God.

It ended like this—after so much time and effort and emotional investment for two years, I was told I was “confused” and “misguided” about my orientation when I was only twenty years old and trying to grapple with my identity as a queer trans man as well as processing the mental and sexual abuse I’d gone through at the hand of a seemingly upstanding member of Xenos. I was given alcohol underage, I started smoking, I was alienated from my classmates and my family the whole time I was a member, but when I decided to talk about my feelings and identity as a queer person, I was immediately gaslighted and told I was wrong. I knew if I left, I had nothing left, both times. That was purposeful. They were all I had. I decided at the end that having nothing and no one was better than living as a prop. I had and have dear friends in the group, then and still, and for the most part I don’t blame them for what happened. I just think they haven’t realized the full extent of how they’ve been manipulated and coerced. I wish only the best for them, and for most in Xenos. It’s not comprised of bad people. It’s just led by a few that know exactly how to make you fall in line.

Story Ten: “The structure and culture of this church is damaging, and just not normal.“

I started attending blowout with Xenos as a middle schooler. In highschool I later reconnected with a close friend who I attended school with and also went to blowout with. I started attending her homechurch and there were also other girls I knew from school in the group. I quickly felt loved, accepted, and excited to know so many new people. I unfortunately have dealt with a lot of hardship within my life, and insecurity. People who struggle are vulnerable to Xenos, as was I. After being in homechurch for a while and also attending CT and spending many weekends with the girls in my homechurch I started getting discipled. I don't think I truly understood how uncomfortable I was with things until I started getting discipled. There were many 'tough' conversations we had about my outreach and intimacy within my relationship that made me uncomfortable. I was always expected to be thinking of people to try and bring into the group and who I think 'had an open heart towards god'. I had to come up with plans on what I was going to do for outreach and how I would stay accountable to those plans with my discipler. While in the highschool group I was also dating a boy in Xenos, who I met through school. We were in different homechurches, but nonetheless. While we were together, and in the church I was a virgin. I planned to keep it that way, as pre-marital sex is very frowned upon. We were already being intimate with eachother in other ways (not allowed) which made me feel extremely guilty and shameful. I had constant anxiety and fear that people in my group or the church would find out about what we were doing. Unfortunately, this boy pressured me into losing my virginity (it was consensual) but something I wasn't super happy about). I felt completely hurt, and like I had wronged God and was living a double life that I would ultimately be very shamed for and probably kicked out of the church for. The boy I was with also had been in the church for a long time, so it was confusing to be with someone who claimed to be so spiritual, but then put me in a horrible situation. I ultimately ended up leaving the church and I am so glad I did. I couldn't imagine how miserable my life would be if I didn't. Elders and leaders will claim they don't condone or allow certain behaviors, but it doesn't matter, it's still happening. The structure and culture of this church is damaging, and just not normal. I couldn't imagine going into the college group and living in a ministry house where no one is allowed to have their own room. And dating and marrying someone in Xenos (which everyone who ultimately stays in the church does), It's just really really bizarre and I pray for the people who feel like they can't find a way out. I still feel horrible for all the people I subjected to Xenos while I was pressured to outreach constantly.

Story Eleven: “Xenos idolized itself in the sense they are the only church who is properly teaching the bible. I even remember Xenos criticizing other churches because they “did not follow God’s true image.” Every church is different but Xenos had to be the best, greatest, and only.“

I was in Xenos from ages 3-16. By definition I was a “fake Xenos baby” and low-key this is my life story? I didn’t go to their schools, I was in public school my whole life so my Xenos baby story is different.
My mom and I started going when she started a new relationship when I was a child, they even had their wedding at the main campus building. My parents, step-siblings and I went to meetings every week. Going to church was a normal part of my life. I am going to refrain from sharing my siblings personal experience because that is their story to tell. We weren’t allowed to leave due to the rules enforced by my step-father. It was expected that my siblings and I attended CT meetings, home church, and cell weekly and it wouldn’t be until we were 17 years that we got to make that choice for ourselves. My life was basically planned out for me. I actually hated going when I was in elementary school because everyone else was cliquey because they all went to the school together. I’d come into the building and do crafts and play games, talking to my favorite adult helpers. Sit for a teaching then repeat until I got picked up. This was every weekend of my life. The other kids did not try befriending me and often made fun of me (in middle/high school I became friends with some but I doubt they even remembered I was that girl back then). I was not the same as them and I never was going to be. When I was about 9 or 10 I began attending the other non-meeting events, I mean what else was I going to do with my life back then?
As my teen years began, I started struggling with depression, bad. I didn’t have many friends in general and after going on the 7th grade missions trip I began to find a sense of friendship by going to these meetings and hangouts 2-4x weekly and interacting with the ones who lived in my town. Then high school came, that was the only friend group I’ve ever had, my home church and cell group. I picked the group I wanted to be in but of course was persuaded by where my other friends went.

They knew I was eventually going to leave sometime in the future when my free will was granted to me by my family, so they didn’t try hard with me. The false confidence and false power they gave me was like a tool to keep me at arms length even though I saw them as my friends and the support in my life. I was a number with a friendly face and that’s what mattered. They also knew I was going to heaven so I guess they didn’t really need to “work on me.” Once, I was actually informed by a friend, who is no longer in the church, of a workers meetings and they talked about this. The leaders knew my family rules and because of, basically my shyness, they weren’t going to try anything with me. I rarely would even get asked the cliché “what’d you think of tonight’s teaching” question.
Looking back, I may have spent the majority of my time and life here but no one actually knew what my life was like outside Xenos. I’d be at home in isolation with my Xenos family, then the quiet shy kid with no friends at school. I did nothing else but be the bursting ball of energy with my home group because I am a social butterfly and those were my friends. But I didn’t tell my friends anything that actually mattered to me because I lived a life of fear and bottled everything up that wasn’t “good.” I kept my darkness away from them.
Since they knew I didn’t have a choice until I was 17, they rarely tried to get personal with me because I wasn’t “actively walking” and they didn’t care much to reach out. Apparently, I had to reach out for them and beg for God to be in my life. I even wanted to get disciplined in high school but to my knowledge it didn’t happen because I “actively walking” despite going to meetings and hangouts most days of the week. I was shy and quiet and never spoke up during meetings or prayer but was so energetic after. This was probably a weakness proving I “was not walking.” Even though I was, and still am a believer in the Bible in Jesus Christ. Eventually, everyone knew I was depressed and self harmed. I remember the first time I ever visibly let my scars out. I was barely 15 at the time and I went to at CT meeting. No comments. Not even a simple unharmful check-in was provided. One day when I was almost 18 my mom asked if they ever tried to talk to me about my depression and self harming, my family knew I wasn’t doing well back then. The answer was no, because they never did ask.

Xenos taught me the truth of the bible. I believe in Jesus Christ. I know I am going to heaven one day and I have repeatedly asked for Jesus’ forgiveness for dying for my sins. Being in that church taught me the bible, I believe what they are doing is biblical as the bible literally mentions the practices they do in home churches/cell groups. I’ve heard that Matthew chapter numerous times about church discipline, but did not even know it was a thing until I had to witness it. A guy I was with early high school got disciplined out. We met in Xenos. It was hard to hear from the leaders about his sexual behaviors with another girl when he had already shared that stuff with me personally in confidentiality. Once he was kicked out I kept our relationship private. I’d get an occasional comment if we were still together, but not much followed. This was probably further proving to them “I was not walking,” but I was following my heart and still do not regret that relationship. Sometimes they’d ask about my relationships and try to dig out the sin in me. I didn’t feel a need to share when I knew it could be used against me. It is not a college student's job to parent me.
I began using nicotine at Xenos when I was a freshman. I was taken to the local tobacco store that didn’t card after meeting by older students who drove. The college students did not care if we all hungout and smoked together but some had rules they themselves would not give minors tobacco. At one point in freshman year, during the CT retreat, I got nicotine poison and laid in the snow because I did not know what was wrong with me or what to do. But I must partially admit it was my own choice and my own free will.
Some groups are “better” than others but it has to do with how strong of a relationship every individual has with God and what percentage of the group was made up by super active members. They’d study the Bible to learn to be the most christ-like they can then ridicule those who didn’t live the same. Xenos is all about right and wrong. Someone once told me “if I believed in the Bible then why wouldn’t I live Christ-like,” meaning following the Xenos-way rather than just being a loving human being and prioritizing my needs.

There was a time I wanted to study with a leader and was once excited about living in a ministry house. It’s a cookie cutter lifestyle. But again, they didn’t care— to them i wasn’t “active,” even though I went to every meeting and event, to them I wasn’t walking with Christ. Maybe part of it has to do with the fact I wasn’t evangelizing like the rest of them. I was shy, like really super shy and depressed back then and who I was outside of Xenos was not the same person. They get “trained” when going to the schools their whole life so that when high school comes, the Xenos private school kids will have all the proper tools to essentially drag their public school friends out.

Maybe I’m in denial from being “brainwashed” but even 3+ years after leaving the church it’s hard for me to label Xenos as a cult as they taught us they don’t idolize and worship things like other cults do, they only worship the Bible, Jesus and God, which I agree because that’s where I learned the TRUTH about christ. Yes, they would talk to us about the cult claims the community made and informed us how to respond properly. Labeling it as “persecution” which I partially agree with. But like the manipulation, belittling, isolation, cliques, gas-lighting and grace-labeled confrontation and punishment is the “cult-like” behavior I am trying to come to terms with today. It’s psychological abuse hidden as love and grace. That’s not what love and grace means. I like to believe my view points are valid because I truly do see where they are coming from in a biblical context but how it gets executed is unhealthy, unloving, and not Christ-like. Just because they encourage “tough love and grace” to help those around them grow… those are very traumatic and manipulative attempts to reach out to noticeably vulnerable, coming of age young adolescents. God says love thy neighbor and love thy enemy. Why would I ignore my friends who sinned and got kicked out when we all sin? Why am I allowed to talk to non-Xenos members who are sexually active but not extend my grace and love out to those who were rejected for doing a normal human behavior? God says all sin is equal but sex is the apparently the worse when sex is the most natural human sin. I heard the words of the bible but was confused with harshness of the treatment. Tough love does not equal isolation as a form of manipulation and guilt to make them struggle and fail so hard that they NEED to come back and find God in their church or else their life is basically over. Xenos idolized itself in the sense they are the only church who is properly teaching the bible. I even remember Xenos criticizing other churches because they “did not follow God’s true image.” Every church is different but Xenos had to be the best, greatest, and only.

I like to believe my viewpoint is unbiased as they never punished me, they couldn’t. They never tried, I never explicitly gave them a reason to but they probably had a long list because I was a sneaky kid back then and got involved in stuff. People talk. They couldn’t discipline me out in their eyes because I was only going to my family's church. In many families weekly church is an expectation. I wasn’t someone they just found on the street to take advantage of. I was just as much a member as them but due to my “lack of relationship with God” I was not as invested as the rest; therefore, not a true member. I just sat back and observed all that went on around me but lived my life how I wanted otherwise. Xenos has its own brand of propaganda.

When my mother divorced my step father she gave me the option of leaving (her story is her own story to share). I was reluctant at first because those were my friends but slowly started skipping until finally I told her I stopped going. She has no judgement on me. It hurt to see my mom struggle with these things during her divorce. A church counselor had even told her it goes against God to get a divorce and she could not return to the church (TBH that divorce was the best thing to happen to her, me, and my step siblings who no longer are in contact with him, he is still an active member and the authoritarian Xenos-like manipulation was the house I was raised in). She is no longer in contact with any of the people she had been friends with for over a decade and who had been around my entire life.
I am struggling with my faith today because I know my beliefs are in the bible but how they executed it growing up is what is harmful and my views on organized religion are strained. There is no other church like Xenos and traditional churches make me squirm uncomfortably. I was fond of their descriptive colorful teachings and the fun times but that’s not attainable elsewhere in the same way. It’s definitely an attention grabber. Xenos does as the Bible says but with false unconditional love in their hearts that is psychologically damaging.

I now live on my own across the country without family or religious support. I identify as spiritual and I have grown closer to God more than ever. I began praying more and developed a relationship with “the Father” while beginning this life journey on my own. It is 2020. Modern days in the technology era. People have evolved to be more complex and the NEED for lifestyle/belief bases communities aren’t as prominent today. I am not saying church is bad and not critical in society but there's a foundational difference between churches in the year 200 and the year 2020.
If it wasn’t for xenos I wouldn't know god, but it is because of Xenos I am turned off by churches or any other organized religion. I found god more in these 1.5 years on my own (without peer support) than I ever did in the 13 years I was there. I am no longer in contact with any of these people, who were the only people I had in my life for years, with an exception of one who has extended her unforgiving grace and love to me despite their use of tough love. They are a good example of Christ. I don’t know if current Xenos members read these stories but if certain members read this one it may be obvious who I am and I would like to say to them thank you for teaching me the bible but you rarely showed me Gods true love and grace and today, years later, I’ve been going through a lot recently and writing my story about my life experiences with Xenos, religion, God, and spirituality has helped me find the peace I need to move on with the next chapter in my life. I didn’t think it would but here I am at the last sentence. Cathartic.

P.S. I feel like I also need to include that I almost got (completely accidentally) hanged during an after-meeting backyard hangout while on a rope swing when I was 15. I’m fine, I only got rug burn and broke my necklace but looking back they totally overlooked and lacked concern over a major incident that could’ve ended fatally. All I got was the “are you okay?” This was also during freshman transition so I’m surprised (not actually) this event got turned away so quickly. It wasn't even until I told my mom what happened that I realized the big implications of the situation. The next day at school my classmates repeatedly came up to me thinking I tried to kill myself.

Story Twelve: "Leaving the church was one of the best things I could have done, I've found success in life that doesn't abide by the framework that I was fed for most of my childhood."

I was involved with the church from early childhood all the way into high school. My social circle as a child was quite small and I didn't have a lot of people I could call close friends so the prospect of social interaction with people I knew from school via my middle school group was more than welcome. Time and distance from this church have given me some perspective on certain practices that start at the very bottom with middle schoolers but remain true into young adult and college groups. Everyone I've talked to in my life has a similar reaction when I tell them as a 12 year old I was expected to evangelize for my middle school group, that I was expected to be at meetings weekly, that I was expected to meet with my middle school group regularly. High school group has the same issues,meeting after meeting, time with your discipler, who could be anywhere from 3-4 years older than you to 10-12 years. Looking back at these things I don't understand why it's so hard to believe that this church operates in a very similar way to a cult.
I've been out of the church, on my own terms, for almost 10 years, I'm happily married, I have friends all over the country that I can call up at a moment's notice and talk to. These people know me, they know I'm genuine, they know what they're getting from me. The expectations this church puts on you from such a young age are unhealthy and unrealistic. The expectation of total transparency on all facets of your life is unhealthy. For me it created an environment where I didn't feel safe, didn't feel loved or cared for, it was almost like human beings, peers, etc were passing judgement on me, what they felt was Gods judgement on me. I have friends who were either kicked out or forced out, friends that were gaslit into believing that they were terrible people for smoking weed, having physical relationships, I have people who I thought were friends, who were in the church, who spread rumors about my wife, while I'm thousands of miles away, and then cut ties with her because she was a "distraction". I can't say that the church itself has wronged me, but it creates an echo chamber that perpetuates this persona non grata mindset about people who aren't actively involved in Xenos. I still consider myself saved, I don't go to church, but church has only ever been "Xenos" to me, and it terrifies me to know that there are kids out there being fed the same lies I was fed. The high school group leaders treat other churches as less than, and if you have friends that are in other churches they tell you they'd be better off with Xenos and it's just not true.
Leaving the church was one of the best things I could have done, I've found success in life that doesn't abide by the framework that I was fed for most of my childhood. I didn't have to stay in Columbus to do something with my life, I didn't have to go to C state or OSU to make something of myself. I've found that I can connect with my inner demons and find some closure for the things that Ive grappled with since that time without being in the church. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, but I'm far happier now than I ever was when I was doing what the church expected of me. I have agency over my own life and I'm not beholden to their ideals of what my life should look like. Watching what this church did to people I love and care for terrified me, and I never wanted to be on the giving end of that. There's not a day that goes by that I'm not happy with leaving that church, and I'll never be back.”